Being Sexual

Sex and Love In The Real World

Sex seems to be everywhere. It is used to sell everything, from cars to magazines. With all those messages, we can be confused about what sex means to us.

Some of the most difficult decisions in life are about sex. They can affect our plans for school, career, our lifestyles, relationships, and families. Whatever sexual decisions you make, choose ones that help you feel proud of yourself.

Of course we don't always have sex when we're feeling sexy. When to have sex is a personal choice. We usually make better decisions when we think through the possible benefits and risks. A good sex life is one that keeps in balance with everything else in your life — your health, education and career goals, relationships with other people, and your feelings about yourself.

We all have our own sexual values.
What are yours?

	Yes	No
Are they about finding a life partner?	[ ]	[ ]
Are they about satisfying a physical need?	[ ]	[ ]
Are they about developing a relationship?	[ ]	[ ]
Are they about waiting until marriage?	[ ]	[ ]
Are they about all of these concerns?	[ ]	[ ]

Your answers may change over your lifetime.

There's a difference between sexual desire and love. Sexual desire is a strong physical excitement. Love is a powerful caring for someone else. Love can exist without sexual desire, and vice versa. Many people are happiest when both love and sexual desire are shared by both partners.

Sex involves responsibility. Sex partners need to share responsibility for birth control. They should also protect each other from infections like HIV, gonorrhea, herpes, genital warts, and chlamydia.

Communication is very important. Sex can mean different things to different people. But it is not a good substitute for conversation. Some people expect sexual intercourse to bring them closer. But sex can get in the way of intimacy — especially if you and your partner aren't talking. Sometimes, one partner is having sex just to have sex while the other expects a long-term relationship. We need to talk with our partners to be sure we are clear with each other.